Saturday, November 16, 2013

Lost last days of summer



Dry heat.
Golden light. Dusty
roads. Cornsilk and warm
tomatoes. Dogs riding in
the backs of trucks, tongues
lolling. Dry creek beds.
Stones in your shoes and the sweet
smell of water, forest
shadow, red cedar, green
moss.




Afternoon.
Children rush down the dock and
leap into saltwater.
Again. And
again. 
Look here,
over here. 
Watch me
now!
Onshore, by splayed
bicycles, a
damp dog barks.

Texada Island, August 2013


Photos were taken on Texada Island in August. The poem was composed from notes in my summer journals, drafted after a long walk on Texada.

Friday, November 15, 2013

You'll be added at this scourge


 
  
Now of course nicely waited
I'd warmed dinner & we were looking

(good for lobsters, good for sea)
Don't you think

all's well?  We can't wait;
doing extensive repairs and sailing.

How close to horde quarters for shower and quiet?
That has its virtues--getting the laundry flapping.

Exactly. Weird tides is all.
With eucalyptus oil.

We made the cake to see this story?
This blurry zone, this loosened, fallen state?

My mind was missing.
We made the New Year ahead of me.
 


What did you?
#24 It's a rainy night (this was delicious, too).

How great is perfumed.
We had a happy stroll in the year here

(aw shucks guys, thanks so much for
cloud cover).

Now I long for sunlight, for blue sky, and for
love right back to a sabbatical and yes

lettuce,
still, enough, to feel sharp & happy!

It's up and back yesterday
the water is very far.

Did we feel as clear as spies in the garage?
(I'm home!)

Bring it in the new front window. Rain.
You'll be added at this scourge--

breakfast on the windowsills, waves shooting up
Funny, that's how far out to sea?

 

Phrases in this piece were generated by the Karinbot in What Would I Say, a program developed by a group of graduate students at the Princeton Hackathon last weekend.  Designed to pick up and regurgitate randomized bits of one's facebook posts, What Would I Say indexes one's major preoccupations--mine, unsurprisingly, include rain, the boat, the sea, food, psychology and politics. To develop this poem, I used What Would I Say to generate approximately 40 "posts," which I then stripped of excess verbiage and political content, and ordered (more or less as they emerged) in these conversational couplets. To try this program yourself, go to http://what-would-i-say.com/
 
For more information on the What Would I Say phenomenon, see Ian Crouch's New Yorker post: http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/culture/2013/11/the-story-behind-what-would-i-say.html
Photos are from my archives; they were taken in 2009 or 2010 in West Quoddy, Halifax, Spry Bay and Mexico.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

This sign may be confusing--on church suppers and other interpretive dilemmas


While walking to work along a Halifax street this week, I was struck by a sign in front of a neighbourhood church announcing a "HAM BEAN DESSERT SUPPER." At first I was befuddled--what was a ham bean? Was this a new food, something like a souped up meal-in-one Chinese steamed bean bun, sweet enough for dessert?  Somehow, on this corner, angled between the military base, low income housing, and an alternative Buddhist school, I didn't think so. When I turned around to look at the sign again, I noticed that the back of the sign read, "LIKE US ON FACEBOOK."

Churches these days! I wondered if anyone was walking the parish streets, knocking on doors and having conversations on the stoop or over coffee? Is God now just another character, another page to LIKE? Has it really come to this?

When I got home and reported on the HAM BEAN DESSERT SUPPER, Marike told me something even more astonishing that, swept away by the oddity of a HAM BEAN DESSERT SUPPER I'd failed to notice: below the supper announcement was this line--"Call for takeout." Wow, a church hall supper, and you don't even have to eat what is offered there with others. What kind of congregation is that? What a dull stretch my childhood would have been without the wild antics and odd guests attending church suppers. Our meals tended to 13 varieties of tuna casserole or, post-Thanksgiving, turkey tetrazzini (with or without potato chip toppings), finished off by box cake and sometimes singing. Or hide and seek and gymnastics, in adjacent rooms.

Imagine eating a church supper all alone, or in front of the tv, without long or short prayers, others' bad behaviour, sticky spills of purple kool aid, wads of paper napkins, getting pinched in a folding chair, or the necessity of pitching in to set up and then clean up.  It seems positively sacrilegious.


The "No Parking picture" was taken in Van Anda on Texada Island, looking out over the Malaspina Strait in British Columbia; "Staple and Fancy" is part of an old butcher's sign painted on a wall in downtown St. Paris, Ohio.

And yes, Martha Stewart does have a recipe for turkey tetrazzini: http://www.marthastewart.com/338343/quick-turkey-tetrazzini.  If you should make this meal, I hope you enjoy it, but please do not invite me. Hell in my book is being condemned to eat nothing but turkey tetrazzini in a church basement, over and over again. With or without peas. Without or without mushrooms. With thick or sticky,  thin or non-existent cream sauce. With or without potato chips on top. With crispy noodles or damp; white meat or dark; with or without breadcrumbs or thyme. On second thought, maybe they're on to something with that takeout option...

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

A loon, a wolf, the loneliest sound


Why does the cry of a loon affect us so? Why does a wolf's howl, even while it raises hairs on the back of your neck, curl into your heart, slide into your bones and organs and resonate, as if an extension of your own loneliest wail?  Do such cries seem metaphors for our sense of aloneness because we tend to hear them, if we do, in isolated wilderness locations--a cold wind blowing across the water, no one else in sight? Or is there some other reason for the way these calls seem to vibrate in your chest and threaten to carry you away?

This summer, while sailing in Alaska, I began to read a thoughtful, beautiful book entitled The Pine Island Paradox, having met its author, environmental philosopher, Kathleen Dean Moore, in the bathhouse at Tenakee Springs, on Chichagof Island.  Two weeks earlier, I had been listening to and attempting to record the sounds of wolves howling back and forth across a great distance, so I was struck to find Dean Moore had a musical name for the particular haunting quality of a wolf's cry. She writes:

"I [know] the song the wolf [sings]. The first two tones [make] an augmented fourth, a dissonant interval, like the first two notes of 'Maria' in Westside Story. It's an interval of yearning, of hope--the sound of human longing."

Dean Moore writes about going to consult with a colleague who was a musician, a concert pianist. As they are speaking about this sound, her colleague makes a gesture: "both hands together in front of her body, palms skyward, fingers spread, [lifting] the air...'This is a sound that floods the soul,' she said."

Dean Moore recounts something else that her pianist colleague has told her, that in medieval Europe Christians did not sing the augmented fourth. It was considered the "diabolus in musica, the devil's chord--so powerful it could grab a parishioner, drag him to his knees and pull him, scraping on the paving stones, straight to hell."

A wolf's cry feels like this, and so does a loon's. Not the devil's music, but an utterly sorrowful heart-wrenching soul sound; it sings the anxiety of our lonesomeness at the same time as it can fill us with wonder or joy, even peace. Perhaps this is because we live in a time of great dissonance (although we might ask, which time is not?): we prefer the incompletion, the break of the augmented fourth to the harmonic fifth.

The augmented fourth somehow says, without you, I am nowhere, which is, often enough, how existing feels. It is the question posed by Rilke's First Duino Elegy: "If I cry out, who among the company of angels will hear me?"

It is the wail, addressed to the world in the absence of another beside you, of brokenness, of coming undone: myself, I am never enough; I will never add up to anything on my own.

Photo of the loon was taken in northern British Columbia, near Grenville Channel.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

On her demise




You must let me go first because I live in the sea
always now, and know the road.
                  Emily Dickinson



No matter which way you slice it,
the story doesn't change.


Disastrous.
Forever miserable, my blasted flower


your petals all are blown.


Photos were taken in West Quoddy, Nova Scotia.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Indecision



Who, if not you,
ever made a ritual of cinders?

Who, if not you,
loved the lost, last hopeless fix?

Who, if not you,
will care for an absolute?

Who salvages a dead wreck's timber,
or refuses her own goodbye?

At night, in darkness, in the grief of flight
we travel, we keep watch, our bleak eyes unblinking, while

over that hill, our hopes are burning.
Who, if not you,

bites sleeping fire and ruined salt?
What is the value you give your dreams?

Who carries on,
detained by shadows, among trembling wings?

Who knows how long and far these faint hopes
will carry us?

Every night we lie in wait, our stony thoughts
clattering in the waves,

confused as to estates and territories,
the lost science of tears, those ship's ruins we love too much.



Italicized lines are taken from Neruda's "Sonata and Destruction" and rearranged. Photos are taken from the deck of Quoddy's Run in British Columbia, from behind Russell Island, and from Queen Charlotte Strait.

We continue, uncertain about what to do with our quite seriously damaged boat, which blew over at the Canoe Cove yard during a storm in late September. Part of the surveyor's report is in. It doesn't look good. While it would be wiser to cut and run perhaps, what would it mean to give up on our vessel, the dreams she provoked or the places she has taken us? This poem is for her--and for skipper extraordinaire, my co-insomniac, Marike Finlay.


Sunday, November 10, 2013

What makes for the pleasure of moving



What makes for the pleasure of moving
through a landscape just fast enough
that the trees you pass stagger
and blur one into another?